Day 50 (toe update)

I'm tempted to do a Google image search on broken toes, but am horrified as to what I might find.

Hobbled down 2.5 flights of stairs to take a shower this morning and discovered one of the downsides of living in a beautiful turn of the century home (besides not being able to keep the living room warm) broken steps! On the stair case! Since they have been used for so long and they are very vintage (i like vintage better than 'old') a few of them have split down the center horizontally, and normally, it just adds to the mystique of the house, NOT TODAY! While trying to navigate the stairs (sans railings, which apparently weren't needed in 1903) hobbling as quickly as I could without bashing my poor piggy on the steps so that I could shower in peace and hubby didn't have to deal with the colic queen alone, I landed bizarrely on the broken step and almost went careening ass over teakettle into the living room. Luckily I caught myself, but my nerves sustained most of the damage. lol, I'm a little high strung lateley, can you tell?

I looked up what 'real runners' do when they have broken toes...and guess what? THEY RUN! Ok. I am all about being dedicated to the sport, fitness, sanity, whatever, but running with broken piggys? RUNNING? Bashing them over and over and over again into the concrete sidewalk just so you can tell your other faux-green 'social vegan' 'friends' that you are just that ballsy seems ridiculous, dangerous, and a little (or a lot) derranged.

Off topic: I have a love affair with bizarre forms of vegetarianism. Sraight up vegetarianism, veganism, raw foodism, I understand, love and support their followers. I was a vegetarian for a long while in my teens. So its not like I don't understand the social, emotional, physical, and economical struggles and rewards of vegetarianism.

But 'Social Veganism' is my new favorite red-headed step child. Social vegans are people who do not eat meat, eggs, dairy, or other animal products while at social gatherings. Any other time they are omnivores. Ummm....I dont even know where to begin, so I will let y'all take it from here.

Happy and healthy piggys! (Toesies or actual piggys, you decide.)

Day 49

I can not believe this has happened. I broke my toe. My middle toe on my right foot is broken. Or as I like to put it 'ouchy' and 'all f-ed up'. I wanted to run today so badly. I had my clothes laid out and as soon as I was done with the housework I was going to get the dog all psyched to go. Bummer. Major major bummer.
What happened was I was vacuming the rug in the dining room. I put my hand on the table to balance myself while I tried to vacum around the fringe of the carpet, and instead of putting my hand directly on the table, I knocked off one of these:

This being a Le Cruset grill pan! A beautiful, top of the line, enameled cast iron, 7 pound french pan! ON MY TOE!

I am so upset. And depressed. But mostly angry that I can't run. Hell I can't even put on shoes.

Day 48

Oy! It's been a long time!

I haven't done my mile in two whole days. I have just been too busy. I feel like such a cop-out. Like it shouldn't be possible for life to get in the way of exercise. But, it has. I guess I can just chalk these two days up to being very very busy, and do my best to fit in a run tomorrow.
Honestly I don't feel so in love with running anymore. Maybe it's like every other relationship, you have your ups and downs, but in the end if you're meant to work, you do. (And running and I are meant to work, I have decided.)
I need to pick and sign up for a 5k. It'll help keep the motivation going. Not because of the sportsmanship of it, but because I am just too damn competitive and bloodthirsty for victory, or in this case finishing :)

Keep those toesises warm! :)

Update!

Hey y'all! Sorry for my absence, I've been very busy. Too busy. I keep having to remind myself to be honest on this blog. Not to leave things out. To tell the whole truth. And the whole truth is that this past week or so has totally and completely sucked. It started with my birthday. Never a fun event for me. As a child I was always put under INTENSE scrutiny about how much cake I had or how much frosting was on my piece. The anxiety of knowing that was coming kind of ruined the whole experience. And, spoiled as this sounds, knowing that the prettily wrapped gifts were more for the people giving them than for me (ie the infomercial exercise machine I got for my 15th birthday...umm...thanks...). So I've always been a bit antsy and anxious on my birthday. This year was no different. Then the next day I ran out of my meds (for anxiety) so I had a day full of panic attacks and bouts of depression and anger until I could get to the pharmacy. Not fun. For anyone.
I've been keeping up with my runs, well ellipticals is more like it. It's very icy out here and I am terrified of slipping and hurting myself. Hubbys parents have been very thoughtfull and kind and are getting me a new pair of running shoes! I am very very excited to get them. I also recieved a very generous (too generous) gift from my Grandmother JoAnn, which we will be using tomorrow to visit my 'new' sister Josie. ('New' meaning that I didn't know she existed until about a year ago, and I am overjoyed to have her and my 'old' little sister Adrianna in my life!)

On a different note, I found a book called 'The splendid table' in the inlaws cookbook cupboard. It's a James Beard award winner (BIG DEAL in the food world) I've started reading it and its really interesting, it's like a blend between history and food (two of my three favorite things, the third being running) I wonder if there are more history/food books...I'd like to read them. Maybe one day when I'm a grown up (haha) I'll have a food book library with a fainting couch... :)
Until tomorrow lovelies...

Day 41

Have zero desire to run today. Want to cuddle with hubby and eat sweets and watch Nigella. But I'll go cross train instead.

I am so full. I think Im going to take today off too. With massive feelings of guilt of course. But if I get on the EM I'll get sick, and my shoes are way way way too worn down for me to run comfortably in.

Did some research and two days off is actually GOOD for you. Huh. Think I'm going to beat down the guilt, snuggle up next to Esme, get a good nights sleep, and hit it hard tomorrow.

Day 40

The kitchen smells like this right now:

(This being sage.)

Aww man! I'm not going to run today and here is why: I am WAY FULL on delicious food. It is bitterly cold out, and I can't do the EM bc the inlaws will need their room before I'm done. So I am kinda bummed.

On the other hand, it was a great way to celebrate my making it to 40 days (with another 400,000 to go! Woo hoo!) by getting out of the house, having an amazing dinner with good friends, playing with babies and kittens (really!), and going on a late night forage of the garden for yummy vegetables for tomorrow.

I got to experience so many new things today! From picking vegetables, to seeing how produce is dehydrated and stored in adorable little glass jars, watching Logan traipse (and subsequently trip) through a vegetable patch, our friend Ginny's A-MAZING soup, and the coolest bathroom I have ever ever seen (seriously there was a copy of the 'great American bathroom book'! IT'S A REAL BOOK!).
Then when we got home, Mother in law was making her A-MAZING pancakes, so of course my greedy little tummy needed some, and I happily obliged.

Off to look up how to dry the lovely herbs we got today! I'm thinking a post designated to just recipes is in order...would y'all like that?

Day 39

Don't feel like struggling with the dog or dealing with the boob crisis. So on to the eliptical I go!

Later:
While I was reminiscing over the 'American Girl' catalog that came today, Lou kept jumping on me and running to the door. He the followed me upstairs, whimpered when I flopped on my bed and gave me the eyes when I tried weasling my way out of the run by saying it was too cold. Yes. I got bullied into submission by a dog, and yes I am that much of a sucker. lol

Run was great, went slower but it wasn't as difficult. I didn't have to think continuously about putting one foot in front of the other.

The thing Im most proud of with all this is that I'm doing exactly what I tell myself im going to do. So far I have kept my word, usually it's 'just to that lamppost...ok just past the tree with the lights...' and it may not sound like much to other people, but it makes me very proud. lol, on todays run I had to yell at myself to stop running. I was so out of breath and my feet were so tired, but I bet I could have (and would have) willed myself to the next block or mailbox or streetsign until I fell over. The only reason I didnt was bc I'm pretty sure I will injure myself if I fall over and that will mean no running until Im healed which would suck. I guess there is somthing to be said for blind determination. :)

Day 38

Day 38-
Oof. Went out for a run, Louie decided to pick today to clothesline trees and my knees. Not fun. AND I swear every single smoker on the route was on their porch puffing away. I started waving at them. It made untangling the dog from the surrounding foliage while I huffed like a hippopotamus on a unicycle less embarrassing. Didn't manage to run all my stress away like I had hoped because for quite possibly the first time EVER the bras I was wearing (yes, plural) were too big! Yay! And also Boo! Yay bc there is really no reason that these F cups should exist, and Boo! because now I really can't go for another run until I strap these babies down. Maybe a cycle through a really hot dryer will shrink my bras and I'll get some more use out of them...lol, this is so ghetto. I'm taping my feet because we can't afford new shoes for me, and now I'll more than likely be taping/binding my breasts because we can't afford a new bra. Obviously it isn't that big of a sacrifice because it means that my babies have full tummies, warm clothes, and a roof over their heads. Which is hands down the most important thing. Off to find some ace bandages! lol.

Day 37

Things that have made me happy today:
Logan spending all afternoon asking for hugs and kisses
The deer that ate apples off the tree in the back yard
Louie and Logan telling the 'horse' (the deer) to stay outside
The pasta carbonara I made for lunch
Logan slurping his noodles
Cuddles with Esme during naptime
The potato chowder I made for dinner (Using leftovers! HUZZAH!)
The crusty crunch on the outside and the dense chew of the inside of the ginger snaps along with their mysterious disappearance (into my tummy...)
Giving the Squee a warm bath on this cold night
Breaking out the espresso machine (Yay frothy milk!)

Things that have not
It being too icy out to run...boo!

Perhaps tomorrow...

Day 36

First snowfall of the year here. Spent the day making ginger snaps, rocky road, and a roast chicken. Very warm and domestic feeling :) Its too slippery out to do my mile outside, it looks like another night on the EM!

Day 35

Day 35
Whew! Did 1.25 miles on the EM, felt very very very good. Watched stand up while doing it. Fantastic.

Update!

Some of you may know about my deep dislike of the color orange....I sense that a back story may be a good idea...
Ok. In chef school we had to take a class called 'Dining Room Management' and in that class we learned all about the way colors affect the way people perceive food. For instance, would you really want to eat in a restaurant that has 'babypoop green' tablecloths? Or would you spend the entire meal thinking about how awful of a color the tablecloths are?
A combination of that class and something called 'color therapy' have guided my view of the color orange.
Color therapy is a 'new age' form of guided meditation, and every time I get to the orange part of the rainbow I tweak out. Orange makes me edgy and irritated and ruffles my feathers. No idea why. It just does.
As a result I have avoided orange for a long time. So why is my blog orange now? Well this particular shade reminds me of the color of saffron, and reminds me of warmth, curry, fireside cocoa, all that jazz. And I like it. I guess I'm branching out.
The background picture is a picture of a star paper lantern-

These are Star paper lanterns!

I received one as a gift a long time ago and it ripped in half the first time I tried to put it up :(
I think they are beautiful and whimsical feeling, which is why it is my background picture!

Off to find something to make for dinner and decide about my mile!

Day 33 & 34

Day 33
Miss Lady has been having serious bouts of colic, please forgive (that means you Anna, ha ha) my short posts. And I have been in a TERRIBLE mood the past few days. Sadly diet and exercise aren't helping. I have no idea what to do other than to be grumpy and irritable. This sucks. For me and everyone around me. Hope it will blow over with the PMS.
Run Recap!
Stole away and left the colicky baby with Daddy to do a mile on the Eliptical. Was super pissed off at first, had a dead zune, hubby had nothing good on his iPod, and there was nothing on TV, but working up a sweat on the EM was nice. Nursing a screaming baby and having my backsweat drip down the wall afterward was...not.

Day 34
Feeling under the weather today. Maybe I have allergies or I'm getting a cold. Don't know. Colic is still dominating the house. Mommy still has the grumpys. Ugh. This is emotionally draining, and try as I might to just 'be in a good mood', that isn't working.
Run Recap!
Did run outside, continued faster pace. Didn't tape my arches tight enough and I had the bright idea to cut off the thumb of one of my gloves so that I could control Pasquale. NOT A BRIGHT IDEA. My thumb almost froze off. Not really. But it was very awkward to run while trying to hold my thumb inside the rest of my hand. Another interesting thing is that the past few times I've been running outside I've noticed that I haven't been able to inhale fully. No idea why. Not very comfortable though.

Day 32

Ahhh. A whole month down. :)
On my way out to run errands tonight I couldnt help but notice how beautiful it was outside. A great night for a run.
Run recap!
My fingers are still sweaty, so excuse any typos please. :)
While taping my feet, Logan decided he wanted to tape his, and put his sockies and shoesies on too. It was adorable.
Our run was awesome! We ran and I mean RAN the first four blocks, at a way faster pace than normal. By the end of the fourth block I was feeling like I couldn't take a whole breath so we walked the rest of the way. When we were a few blocks from home Pasquale (my Zune) started playing Michael Jacksons 'the way you make me feel'. It took a lot of self control to not dance all the way home.
That run was so needed and so perfect. The breeze was cool and light, the stars were out and Lou only tried to yank my arm off a few times.
Homework assignment: SUBSCRIBE! And be on the look out for some pretty athletic tape. There has to be pink or glittery athletic tape somewhere.

Day 31

Lots of familial type stress happening here in Squeeland. Lots of anxiety for me. Not about anything specific, just sort of free floating anxiety. Which stresses me out even more.
Anxious about going outside to run alone in the dark (anxiety anyone?) so I'm not going to do it, and mother-in-law is in bed so can't do the elliptical. And I feel like I really need to do my run. But isn't it a little hasty and not very bright to go against my better judgment and run somewhere were I am not comfortable? Or isn't that the whole spirit of the sport? To push beyond ones limitations. Hmmm...I don't think better judgment is considered a limitation, but I can't decide if this is just my anxiety flaring up or if it's actually my gut telling me (correctly) to stay inside tonight.
I think I'm going to make a cake (Vanilla sponge filled with a lemon pastry cream...nom nom nom) and think about it, and maybe get myself out of bed in the morning and go for a run then. Oooof. Really don't want to see all the people driving by and looking at me. ARRRRRGHHH! I HATE being anxious. (See all above text? Mini-anxiety attack. Blows.)

Day 28 & 29 & 30

Day 28
Ugh. Been having some tantrum issues here in Squeeland (Mommy and Daddy included)
Five blocks!!! Had t force myself to stop, otherwise yes I would have hurt myself.

Day 29
Lots of things to do, managed to do mile on the E horse, boring. Watched iron chef and now I want lettuce wraps. Made potroast avec champignons et risotto avec petit pois et champignons aussi. mmmm

Day 30
Oy. Did four blocks, very warm out, too warm for mittens. Turned brain off around block three, it was nice to space out for a while.

Day 27

Yeah, no post for Day 26, nothing really happened except me being depressed on the elliptical.

TODAY on the other hand (Day 27) Woot woot! Big day here! Let me start at the beginning...
Let's see... Hubby and I (with children in tow) went to Dicks sporting goods to look for insoles for me to patch me through until (hopefully) I get some new running shoes for my birthday. When we walked in I was in a sea of purple (yippie!) Nike womens running gear (oh it was soooo pretty) and then I was a little sad because I knew that we couldn't afford anything (not a big deal, do I REALLY need name brands to run around the block in the dark while holding up my pants? No. lol)
But then I was uber sad and a little pissed off that the sizes only went up to a large. A 'Womens sport gear' large...which is like the medium at Abercrombie. WHAT THE HELL? Oh, so big girls, or women with *gasp* BOOBS don't want pretty work out clothes? Just because we enjoy butter on our steaks and bread pudding and don't have a freakishly fast metabolism or the skinny gene (Sorry JoAnn I didn't get that gene, my sister Anna did though) or GOD FORBID we've had two kids back to back doesn't mean that we don't deserve to have beautiful clothes to get sweaty and grimy and feel good about ourselves in. You know what Nike? Screw you. I have lost forty two pounds in less than four months and I am going to go to Target (where I guess I BELONG) and buy my Champion sports bras and mens track pants and bedazzle the hell out of them and they will be way better than your stuff made out of the weird slippery feeling material. Who need forty dollar running gloves anyway? (FORTY DOLLAR EXERCISE GLOVES! That is 4 packages of diapers!)
I was so worked up that hubby had to stop at McDonald's so I could get a mocha to chill the hell out.
When we got home I coulsn't take in anymore, I HAD to run. Inspiration struck and I decided to tape my feet to give my arches some support (they had to do SOMETHING before insoles were invented) and whatd'ya know there is a youtube video on how to help correct overpronation by taping your feet.
Gave it a shot, taped the feet, remembered to put some anti-chap stuff on my face, took Louie out and we ran for two blocks! One of which is my favorite block to run down. :) The left foot felt awesome, the right one I think I did a little too tight, and for some reason the top of my foot kept cramping, hurt like a mo' fo'. But I got a little bit of a run in! YAY!!!

Here are some pics:

Things I can not run without: Louie, taped feet (I wonder if this schnazzy Ace tape comes in schnazzy colors? Hot pink anyone?) Face lube (aka 'Baby kisses' by the Bourdeaux butt paste people, pretty awesome) My Zune (His name is Pasquale) and my awful headphones (I think they came with my phone...can't remember, all I know is they make my ears hurt)


Bandit laying on my beat up running shoes, I think he was kind of miffed that I took Louie and not him...


And I'm off to do the elliptical!

Day 25

Ahhh. Nice day here in Squeeland. Miss Lady wasn't too colicky, The Squee had a blast helping Mommy 'Ceen up!!' (Clean up!) Managed to get most of the housework, including laundry done today. And guess what? I made Miss Ladys first solid food tonight! After clearing up the kitchen, I found a beautiful red apple on the porch staying crisp and cool in the fall air, and thought 'hmmmm...I have a little girl who is jealously eying her Daddy every time we sit down to a meal, and is chewing like a mad woman on everything that comes near her mouth...'

What better first solid food to have than a sweet, slightly sour, perfectly yellow fleshed, shiny red skinned Minnesota grown apple!

So I lovingly peeled, cored, and chopped it. Got out a baby saucier pan, the itty bitty wooden spatula I use to frost cupcakes, a tiny mesh strainer, and the mini food processor I found in a dusty corner of the kitchen just waiting to be used.

I cooked the little apple pieces in a few tea spoons of filter water (Should I have used distilled JoAnn? I can never remember...) until they became fragrant and soft, strained them, reserved the liquid, and put the solids into the processor. Blitzed them until they were smooth, tasted and they were still a little gritty so I added a few drops of the apple water that I reserved, blitzed again, the result was a perfect creamy apple puree. I am so excited for her to try them tomorrow!

JoAnn- You were right (as always). That green Beba baby cooker thing would have been incredibly useful. As much fun as it was using all of this miniature cooking equipment, cleaning it up afterward was kind of a pain.

Run recap!
Did my mile this morning on the E Horse. (My new nickname for the Elliptical, you like?)
Wow was it boring. There was some bottle blonde lady on the food network cooking something (I was too busy listening to Micheal Jackson and trying to dance/use the E Horse without falling off, and imagining the little peroxide blonde food network babies her and Guy Fieri ((the peroxide blonde man who has had several food network shows)) would have, to pay attention to what she was making.)
I can't wait to run again, and what sucks even more is that I have to tell Lou every night that there aren't going to be any walkies...
Oh and I puled my running gloves (my fancy name for the rayon little mittens that you get for kids that are like 99 cents) out of the dryer and I could just see the little face on them saying "Use meee! I smell like fabric softener, I want to be out in the cold wrapped around your rapidly thinning fingers to help keep your wedding ring on so you don't have to worry about it falling off your sweaty finger and clinking down the sewer drain like you imagine every time you run past one!" I serenly told them "No...not today...I don't want to make my knees and feet worse....' and then THREW them in the sock bucket (Sorting and matching? I think not!) in my closet, slammed the door and ran away from temptation! (Not really 'ran away'...okay maybe a little...)

Day 24

Having friends over for dinner. I miss running. Driving past that one block I love to run down makes me sad and wistful everytime...

Run recap
Mile on the EM felt GREAT sweated like crazy, was a little harder to do than I remember, but my feet and knees feel awesome.

Day 23 (HALLOWEEN!!!)

Had SO MUCH FUN today! We went to the Zoo and trick-or-treated with the animals (Deedles was a froggy, Miss Lady was a bear cub, and I was a kitty!) Must have gotten my mile with all the walking! Will post pics later!