Day 22

Spent the day at home with the kids. Pretty boring. Can not wait to get on the EM when Hubby gets home. Have 9,000 things to do. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, folding, put-away-ing, cooking, grocery shopping, doling out baths, ugh.
Run recap
Couldnt fit a mile in...grrrr...

Day 21

So I broke the stem of the pumpkin off...and a knife blade in half...and a pumpkin poker thing...oops




The finnished product! Right to left: Mine! Daddy and Squeedle-Deedle's, Brother-in-laws (he says the cleft lip was intentional, mmm-hmmm) Not pictured: Sister-in-laws kitty pumpkin, awww it was cute!

Delegating work to us peons.

Pumpkins! We're doing pumpkins today! Huzzah!
Today while I was making breakfast my knees were uber sore, I had to lace my french toast with ibuprofen.
I'm really tired of talking about how ouchy my knees are. Moving on!
Run Recap!
Ok so it wasn't a run. Louie and I walked slowly around the route. And it sucked. Because my knees hurt. According to my Physical Therapist-in-training Sister-in-law I walk on the insides of my feet which make me an 'over pronator' which in turn means that my knees will not get better until I get some insoles/new shoesies.

Day 20

Day 20

Wow-e! Have I had my hands full the last few days! I'm sorry I haven’t been updating everyday -Thanks for the guilt trip sis :)-

I wasn’t able to cross train yesterday. AND IT SUCKED I’m like an addict. I am itching to get back on the running horse. My right knee has been bending backwards at the most inopportune times. And I need to start doing the prescribed knee exercises.
I'm surprised that I haven’t found a way to make it happen. See? When you don’t make things a priority they don’t happen.

I'm worried that on my run tonight I will suddenly find that I have fallen out of love with running. The idea of that freaks me out. I'm also worried that I will lose all the progress I have made. And that if I have I wont want to start over. Oof. Who knew such a simple thing would be s mentally heavy. My physical therapist-in-training sister-in-law is going to look at my feet tomorrow and see if my gait has anything to do with my knees. I think being 273 pounds has everything to do with my knees.

Run recap:

Holy fuckballs. I'll get to that in a minute. So, Louie couldn’t wait to go out. It was very very cute. We did a very slow, I'm talking glacial pace run. But we did it for 4 blocks. And now I am in excruciating pain. Am starting knee strengthening tomorrow.For sure. I must have looked really pathetic because my father-in-law brought me ibuprofen and ice packs while I whimpered on the couch. Am doing EM tomorrow. Hopefully it doesn't make me cry.

Day 19

I'm cold. I'm hungry. I feel like the wind and rain is going to permeate the house.

Post-dinner recap!

Made a fantastic dinner. Then promptly got sick. Gross. Must have a flu bug. Talk about adding insult to injury. Am going to rest and try to get some sleep (that is if Miss Lady lets me) Will decide if doing a mile tomorrow is a good idea or not. Thanks for all the advice and guesses on what is up with my knees! I appreciate all of it! Maybe I could get Deedles to do some leg exercises with me tomorrow? How cute would that be?!


(Sorry about the short post, promise I will make up for it ten-fold tomorrow!)

Day 18

Got all ready to go only to discover a dead zune. Damn, must wait 'till it charges. In the meantime I can try to stretch my IT bands. I Googled how to do this, and when I do the stretches that 'Runners World' and other places recommend, I feel a nice deep stretch, just not where my IT band is. Hope that is ok. I kinda feel like my kneecaps are going to fall off.

Lou is home from his Wisconsin excursion. Very excited to take him out on a run. Its raining, so this will be a first. Kind of excited, wish I had a water repellent jacket. But my sweat shirt will have to do :) I’m a big girl, I wont melt. I think I am bound and determined to go into the running room. It’s only a store. A store full of very cute and very tiny running paraphernalia. Am making Tuscan white bean chili tomorrow for dinner. I hate chili, but all the protein will do me good. And it will be warm and spicy. Good rainy day fodder.

Run recap!

This fucking sucks. Ow ow ow. I wanna cry. It finally happened. I hurt myself. Classic overuse injury. I was out the door and admiring the night. It was warm and the air smelled fresh after the rain. Not like worms though. I hate that smell.

So I started running. And then I noticed I wasn’t going any faster. My brain couldn’t get my legs to move as fast as I wanted them to, because my knees and lower back were saying ‘ oh hell no’

*Ok, ill just walk a few blocks, warm up, then it'll be fine*. We got to my favorite block to run down, so I started running, my brain thought I was running. My body seemed to be doing this hobble/limp thing. Again my knees and back were saying 'Nope. Not today.' *That’s weird. Huh. I'll try again in a few blocks*

Tried again, only this time it felt like someone was sticking a red hot poker into my right knee.

I think I feel worse mentally than I do physically. I feel…frustrated…robbed even. I feel frustrated because this is a situation where I can not strong-arm my way through it. I can’t force myself to heal faster. I'm frustrated that I couldn’t get my body to do what I wanted it to do. And honestly it pisses me off. I feel robbed of the perfect feeling I feel when I run. The happy, free, flowers and sunshine feeling. I know it will come back soon, but I want it NOW. I don’t want to go a single day without it. I’m sad and I will miss it.

I’m off to self medicate with ice, potato chips, hard cider, and old SNL re runs.

Note: It never occurred to me to stop being active completely. While in the thick of the pain I thought: *Just cross train for a few days* I think it’s funny. And also exactly what I am going to do. (Maybe that makes me a real runner now?)

Day 17

Thought I would post some pictures of two of the people I talk about the most!
Miss Lady




Deedles

We had a fantastic day here in Squeeland! No tantrums, lots of baby babble, and an AWESOME dinner. Our friend Randy came down and we had a beautifully charred sirloin, and I made a FANTASTIC dipping sauce for it. All smooth and velvety and full of tarragon. Mmmm.
Run-Recap!
While getting ready for my mile, I discovered a tragedy. The red water bottle I have been loving didn't have the fortitude to withstand its trip through the dishwasher. (Why make something out of plastic that can not go in the dishwasher?! WHY?!)
Since the knees still suck (and the in-laws took Lou with them to WI) I got on the EM and did 1.1 miles. Nothing poignant happened. I just turned my brain off and moved the pedals. Pretty sweet actually.
Excited to have Lou home tomorrow and to see if we can do our 5 blocks again! *fingers crossed*

Day 16

Rough day for Mama today. Really want to sit and watch TV.
Walked past the ‘running room’ while out for a stroll with my sister in law and Miss Lady. I felt like I couldn’t even go into the shop, that’s how foolish I feel about doing this exercise thing-quest-crusade-whatever. In the car on the way home I had a wicked cigarette craving. I wanted the smell, the taste, the rush of calm I used to feel after having a smoke. Ooooo it was good. Don't worry, I did not break down and have any. I've been (grudgingly) tobacco free for a very long time now. I swear if they make a non-cancer, not-bad-for-you cigarette I would give up air in a heartbeat.
Back to the issue at hand. How dumb is it to feel so out of shape and slovenly that I felt like I couldn’t even go into a store? This is ME we're talking about! ME! Balls-to-the-walls, grab-the-bull-by-the-horns, get-in-the-canoe-and-paddle ME!

Run recap:

Holy crap! I feel so much better! I got on the EM a while ago not knowing how I would feel, so I said ‘ok just do half a mile, then see how you feel’. I did just that, half a mile came and went, then one mile, then I stopped counting. I decided to finish my playlist. I feel great! I feel clear headed, my muscles feel warm and good. My knees still are kind of achy, but that is probably from propelling this 278 pound body forward and keeping it mobile all day. Not an easy job. If I could give my knees a treat, I would. They deserve it.

Day 15

Deedles had a rough day. Took Deedles to park. Am way sore in the thighs. No idea why. Having a big dinner and a good sleep to get ready for 'Boo on Grand' tomorrow!

Day 14

Ow! My knees are stiff and achy, my face is chapped, and I made the huge mistake of running on a full stomach.
I had to drag myself out of my warm soft bed, put on scratchy pants that emphasize my mom pooch, and go out in the freezing wind while my neighbors happily smoked menthol's on their (heated) porch. Bastards. Oh and I wore my flats from last winter to the grocery store with Deedles today, and they gave me the beginnings of blisters on my baby toes.
Only ran 4 blocks...more like stomping than running.
Not a good run day.

Day 13

Whilist browsing the running blogs earlier today I came across this quote:
"Those who say that I will lose and am finished will have to run over my body to beat me." --Said Aouita, 5000 meter Olympic gold medallist
Hubby is working late tonight so I have no idea how I am going to fit my run it, but rest assured it will happen.

Random thought: I wonder if people with phDs sit around and talk about how smart they are? Or if they really put Dr. and so and so or Dr. and Dr. on their mailboxes? And what is with the wicked nice frames the diplomas go in? Is there a wicked nice frame store? Do they come in the frames? I want cheese fries.<<< Trains of thought my poor husband puts up with on a continual basis. He deserves a medal.
Mapped my running route and it is .67 miles OR 1.08 km. Can't wait until I can run the whole thing.

Run recap!
Sorry to say that I have suffered my first running injury.

I hurt my thumb on Louies leash.

Actually he is the one that went barreling off after some furry woodland creature leaving me to try to stop him with a teeny plastic button. Which snapped. I still cant feel the tip of my thumb. It's funny because it's ridiculous.
On a brighter note Lou and I ran for....FIVE WHOLE BLOCKS IN A ROW!!! YESSS!!! When we finally make it to six blocks that will officially be .5 miles. And that means that if it takes me 2 weeks to make it to .5 miles, and if I keep progressing at this rate in 102 weeks I'll be able to run 26 miles! That is just under two years from now! Huzzah!
Must go ice my thumb.
Love!
Oh, here is Louie 'Running buddy/Shoulder dislocator/Thumb hurter/Neighborhood Bunny Patrol'

Day 12

Spent the day making lots of noms! Too tired to get into all that now though.
Run Recap:
Sped through making dinner so Louie and I could go for a run. And guess what we did? We ran for four blocks...IN A ROW! IT WAS AWESOME!!! IT TOTALLY ROCKED! (I'm pretty stoked, can you tell?) Many thanks go out to Linds for having the great idea of pining my shirt to my pants so my pants stay up. It worked, sort of. Well more than not having the pins.
And now I'm off to bed, soooo tired.

Day 11

Man does it feel cold today! All I’ve wanted to do today is cuddle with my babies and eat anything smeared with Nutella. But alas I have made a commitment to y’all, the dog, and myself. Ooof. I wish running was easier. On the upside I’m not sore at all today, this makes me wonder how springy my first block of running will be?
Run recap!
Holy cow was it cold! Hubby brought me home some cheapie gloves and they made all the difference. The run was great...all 1/2 block of it. See, I'm loosing a lot of weight...and that means that my pants don't really fit...and that they like to fall down a lot...and I couldn't hold them up, my hoodie down, and the leash all at the same time. I think I might have to get some running tights, no it will not be pretty. But they will be functional. And that is all that matters :)
Really looking forward to tomorrows run, must remember to put some anti-chap stuff on my face before it freezes off. :) Also must figure out a temporary pants-stay-up solution...hmmm...

Day 10

As much as I hate to admit this, one of the best things I can do for myself and my running is to take a day off. And not run. And it sucks. I really really really need to let my joints and muscles heal, if I don't I'll probably get an overuse injury and then I'll be out for a few weeks and that will suck even more. Maybe running is like children and spouses. Sometimes you need time away to miss them. The time away makes you appreciate them more.
Just because I have grudgingly decided to take today off doesn't mean that I cant think about running though. :) I think I have come up with a long term goal. The Athens marathon. Obviously this wont be happening for a few years to come. But I think it's be awesome because it's the ORIGINAL marathon! For all you non history geeks reading, the story goes that the Persians attacked a little city named Marathon in Greece, there was a battle, the Greeks won and the higher-ups sent a guy named Pheidippides to RUN all the way to Athens (about 25 miles) to tell the cityfolk that the Greeks were victorious, he did that, and then he fell over dead. Quite the feat for a guy wearing leather sandals. The running I mean, not the dying.

Now, I hope I don't die, and I hope that there isn't any military action, but just think of all the things you would see running that path! The Mediterranean, all the pretty Grecian olive trees, the marble buildings, the sides of the road they used to crucify people on, the little Roman-era walls that were built all over the empire, maybe an aqueduct or two! (I'm a dweeb, I know.)
To get there though I need to focus on being able to run for more than two consecutive blocks...all in due time...all in due time...

Day 9

Went out for a run this afternoon sans Louie. According to Mother in Law, Squee followed me out the door (I had my earbuds in so I couldn’t hear his little feet crunching the pebbles) and was PISSED when she brought him back inside. Awww. He does love me :)

Running during the day, without the dog sucked. It was kind of hot. Passerby gawked at me. A kid on a trike passed me (not kidding). There wasn’t anyone to get excited over the bunnies. :( So when I came back I promised Louie that I would take him for a walk later.

Had a million things to do to get Squee packed and ready to go to a Gopher hockey game with his Grandpa, then went for a walk at a BEAUTIFUL park in Red Wing with the Mother in Law, after that we went out for salads. The restaurant was out of guacamole for my Santa Fe salad. Bummer. Then when I finally got home and was entertaining the idea of curling up with Miss Lady, hot chocolate, and failblog I remembered my promise to Louie. And because my conscious is THAT guilty I HAD to take him out because I PROMISED. Actually I asked Mother in Law if she wanted to come with and that way we could take both the dogs. We did, and it was cold. And we could hear Miss Lady crying from a block away.

I’m sleepy. Tomorrow holds lots of cookie frosting and bunny chasing. xoxoxox

Day 8

All day today my legs have felt heavy. Like someone snuck in during the night and filled them with wet sand. Weird.

Had a very busy day today, couldn't wait to get dinner together (gumbo!) so I could go for my run. Funny thing: I was sitting on the stairs trying to put on my shoes and Louie (I need to post a picture of him soon, and the scary hedges he drags me through every night) kept doing this happy yipping noise and jumping on my legs. I think it was the dog equivalent of "Hurry up! Hurry up! I wanna chase bunnies! BUNNIES!" It was very cute and motivating.

Finally dug through storage and found my shoes, it felt SO MUCH BETTER to run in them. :)

Earlier I was feeling a little disappointed in myself. I don't know why I feel as though I should be running miles upon miles a day already, but I do. (It's crazy, I know) Maybe this is what all the experts are talking about when they say to not push it too hard in the beginning. I need to remind myself that I have a lifetime of running ahead of me, and to take a few months to ease into it is the safe and smart thing to do. Can you tell that I'm the person who jumps into the freezing lake instead of slowly inching my way into it? :)

Run recap!
Ran for FIVE blocks today (not in a row), Louie only wrapped the leash around a few trees (progress!), and my nose almost froze off. Too bad no one makes nose warmers...

Think I'll sneak away to morrow for a daytime run alone, maybe see what the neighborhood looks like in daylight :)

Day 7

Wow! It's been a whole week!

2 pm
Today I'm feeling less energetic, less excited, more like ‘gee it be great to sleep all day’.
Didn’t get the key to the storage unit to get my shoes ugh.
Going to do my mile on the EM, then see how feel.

Run recap!

Mile done in 28:50,bummer. Had a slower selection of music though. Decided to keep going until the end of the song that was playing, ended up doing 1.1 miles. Still feeling kind of down. Need to rekindle insane energy and excitement…how? My toes went numb again, what's with that?

MIL is going to be peeved if I do the Xmas 5k, it conflicts with the schedule of things, and come to think of it I don’t want to tear the Squee away from his presents and happy cake that morning to go stand in the cold. Hmmm have to find a new 5k….

Instead of sitting here all sweaty and depressed, I'm going to bake a cake.

Post-cake-baking

Holy hell, that turned into a complete disaster. I never knew that homemade buttercream frosting was ONLY butter and sugar. Trying to frost this beast felt like trying to spread cold butter onto a pile of sand. Well I guess I'll chalk it up to an experience. :)

10:00 pm
Okay, so I TRIED to stay in, tried to just leave my exercise at doing my mile on the EM, not do any more....give my muscles time to heal...tried not to look at the dog and see his big brown eyes begging to go chase bunnies...I couldn’t do it, I had to go for a run. And it rocked. Except all the clotheslining trees. Everything except that was awesome.

Day 6

My body is telling me to slow down, I have grudgingly admitted this. It sucks. I’m a little peeved about it actually. My shins are sore, and so are my muscles (I thought that was a GOOD thing) According to the internet this is from pushing it too hard to fast (Really?! A mile? A mile is too hard too fast?) I’m debating if I want to do my mile tonight on the EM or if I want to take Louie out again and do some sprint/walking, maybe I can run two blocks this time? I don’t want to hurt myself, but I also don’t want to slow down…I did do triple my workout yesterday…maybe that was a little much.

Its brisk out. Brisk is a MN term for slightly uncomfortable cold, to the rest of the nation it is freezing. But if I’m going to do the Christmas 5k I need to get used to it.

Took the kids out for a stroll around the neighborhood in our 'new-to-us' double stroller. Dammit, that means that if I do my mile, which I will, I’ve already doubled my workout, so much for taking it easy. It was a pain, or maybe the pain was me wearing flip-flops. The flops don’t get retired until snow starts sticking to the ground, another MN thing.

The one (two) thing(s) I don’t want to hurt are my breasts (yay nursing moms!), as we can’t yet afford the right bra for me, I doubt it would fit me at this size anyway. I’ll keep trying the double up method with different bras until I find a suitable solution in the meantime.

Run Recap!

Took Louie for a jaunt around the neighborhood, ran 4.5 blocks, two of which were in a ROW! It was great having Louie along. He would occasionally pull me along a little bit when I would start to lag. I'm sure he just wanted to get to the squirrels faster, but it felt encouraging to me :) Running isn't getting easier, but it is getting less hard, make sense?

I'd really like to do a morning run and see how that goes, but it will have to wait until Miss Lady gets her feedings on a schedule. Nursing on demand is a little hard to schedule runs around, but so far so good.

I've been running in cheap cross trainers from Target so far, because I haven't been able to find my running shoes in our storage unit, but tomorrow, the hunt begins.

Love and good runs to all! Xoxoxox

Day 5

All I can think about is running, and shopping for running, and when I get to run next, how long I will be able to run, what it will be like outside when I run, how I will keep my pants from sliding down when I run, thinking about when will I really be ready for a 5k, after all it is only 3.1 miles, it can’t be that hard can it? I can't remember ever being this excited and consumed by something. I hope that I don't go too overboard with this obsession :)

While doing some research and investigation this morning I came across something called the 'Irish for a day 5k' happens in the twin cities every march! How awesome is that?! And it rhymes! I sooo have to do it, and it's way cooler than those 'kiss me I'm Irish' buttons.

Run Recap!
Today I did my mile on the EM while rockin' out to some jamz. As a result I finished my mile in......27:30!!! And I wasn't totally dead (close but not totally) at the end of it! So I took Bandit on a stroll around the neighborhood (the same route I did yesterday) and when we got home I felt so bad thinking about poor Louie, the other, younger, Irish Setter all alone in his cage. So I took Louie on a stroll too, except that we had some fun chasing after rabbits and sprinting down sidewalks, it was pretty great.

*I'll just run to the end of the block, ok maybe around the corner, to that hedge, just past that fence…*

*Internal Monologue

As a result my left knee and hip are a little sore, nothing some stretching can't fix.

Can't wait for tomorrow!

Day 4

Phew! Just got back from my first run OUTSIDE!!! Ok, so it was more like sprint/walking, but that counts in my book.

This afternoon whilst wrangling my colicky daughter and impressive two year old I was struck with some unease and, to be honest, fear about this whole endeavor. What happens when I do get healthy? I wont be the same, so will my people still love me? I am doing something so different from where I have been. My mother was overweight, smoked, didn't clean house, for sure didn't do the laundry, hell she rarely brushed her teeth. Here I am doing all the opposite things and I am scared to pieces, I have no idea what to expect. What if I can't keep it up? What if I sink so low into my depression that I end up just as scared and heartbroken and alone as she was in the end? What if I'm lying to myself with all this oral hygiene and sneaking organic vegetables into my sons breakfast? I guess all this will be answered in time.

On to the run recap!

Red Wing is a very picturesque quaint little town, with the cute uneven sidewalks, hedges that have overtaken the walkway, and random streetlight positioning included. The sprinting happened when there were streetlights/I could see for more than 15 feet in front of me, the walking happened in the pitch dark. I also really enjoyed being able to see every star in the sky while out for my run. Another positive thing about doing this in the dark was that there was no one to see me pulling up my pants that kept sliding down my bum or holding my lactating mammaries because the TWO bras I was wearing were not cutting it, all while holding a leash and poo bags. I'm sure we would have been a sight to see :)
I took Bandit with me. He is my in-laws elderly Irish Setter. A very sweet dog with about the same athletic prowess as me right now. He was a very good boy and did not chase after the stray cat or yappy Pomeranian we saw. I should sneak him a bit of roast from the fridge.
On the home stretch I told Bandit that we were going to run the last leg of the block, up the driveway and to the front step. I caught my toe on the lip of the step and SLAMMED into the door, which echoed around the quiet neighborhood, and caused the dog to jump a few feet in the air from the shock. A good ending :)

The outpouring of love and encouragement from y'all is so, well, encouraging and makes me feel so loved.

Things I have noticed: I am more energetic, patient, levelheaded, great having something to look forward to that is all my own, great to turn off brain and just go...

And now Miss Lady wants to nurse. Until tomorrow...xoxo

Day 3

V. tired today, somebody decided to stay up all night nursing. And of course, instead of being cranky like I want to be, Miss Lady (my little girl) is all smiles today, and it warms my heart :)
V. thirsty today too...huh...wonder what that is about...

How cool are these?!


Trail running...huh...sounds fun...

Did my mile, about halfway through is when I wanted to quit, but then when the sweat started to really pour and that wonderful little red light ticker thing kept going up with my distance, I just couldn't stop.

On the downside, I am running out of socks and all of my pants are now dirty, and the washing machine is in use...damn, I hate waiting my turn...

Day 2

Day 2
Hopped on the E. M. (Elliptical Machine) around 9 pm tonight. First five minutes was great. *This is super easy! What was I bitching about yesterday?! Whats on the food network? Huh, Chopped...not my daily dose of Alton, but oh well....Vegetable yeast? What on earth is vegetable yeast? Do vegetables have yeast?.....oh...there it is...now I'm winded....ugh...this is hard...oh well...I'm alone and its quiet (except for the TV) and I am LOVING IT....Lets milk it for all its worth shall we?.....*
*Internal monologue

Woo hoo! Mile done in 30 minutes! My feet are hurting though, I should dig my old running shoes out of storage (they were bought during a short lived phase in high school where I thought it was a fabulous idea to sign up for the lacrosse team...ha.)
And maybe if I keep it up...I could buy some really cute exercise clothes!

We shall see what day three has in store pour moi tomorrow...

Fun fact: The EM totally kicks menstrual cramps in the butt!

Day 1

Day 1 was yesterday, around 6:30 pm. I decided to hop on the old elliptical machine upstairs. I thought I was going to DIE. DIE I TELL YOU! 'Was this always this hard? Why do my butt muscles hurt? My toes are numb, that's not good. Oh, I should probably inhale. Man, I'm thirsty. I wanna' get off this thing......no! You had two babies dammit! You can go for one freakin' mile on an elliptical machine. I don't care that it has taken 20 minutes to go half a mile! Keep on truckin' Miss Lady. Oooooo Good Eats is on.....mmm....tamales.....Oh my goodness! I've gone a whole mile! in just under 40 minutes! Woo hoo!!!! I should blog about this....'*
*Was my internal monologue.

And then I fell into an endorphin filled euphoria- also known as a long shower to all of you non-parents :)

A little something about me...

Hey y'all, here is a little info about me. My childhood ingrained a lot of insecurities and fears about body image and fitness in me, like a lot of people. (I am sure we will get into all of that in future posts.) Here are some basics, I am 5 foot 9, the heaviest I have ever been was 312 pounds, that was my last recorded weigh in while I was pregnant with my second child. I have battled depression since childhood, and believe me, it got WAAAAAY worse after my first child was born. I was never very active, I vividly remember being chastised as a little girl 'Ladies do not run!' As a teenager and pre-child adult I relied on caffeine and nicotine to keep me thin, sadly it worked. As a result, after my son was born (August 2008) I went back to my old habits, except this time...the weight stayed, and the hacking, coughing, smelly hair, late night fast food trips, and a few extra pounds came to the party too.
Now here I sit, twelve weeks after the birth of my perfect little girl, a breastfeeding, non-smoking, co sleeping, organic oatmeal bar making, and as of a few days ago...pro-exercising Mama. Because, yes, I would like to see my children graduate.